I’m not proud to say that there is a person I held on to for way too long in my life. Someone who would breeze back in and out of my life year after year. While I continued to live my life through their absence, in the back of my mind I held on to the hope that one day they’d come back and they would stay.
After six years of this cycle, they popped back up in the most unexpected way. It had been a long while since I gave them any thought, but here they were in front of me. It all flooded back. Every feeling, emotion, the raw, magnetic connection that we always had. It was undeniable that I was not fully over this person. And they were not fully over me.
So here we were, unexpectedly present again in each other’s lives. I didn’t automatically jump the gun and assume that this was going to be the instance things finally panned out for us. But he did. He slammed the gas pedal and we were back in full motion. Anyone who’s ever driven knows you can only put the pedal to the floor for so long before something gets in the way and causes you to stop. Well, we did. Rather abruptly. It’s ironic how it is usually the one who initiates things that ends up leaving unexpectedly, isn’t it?
He abruptly ended things before they could truly take off, and while it was painful and shocking, I couldn’t thank him enough for it now. Of course, at first, I was shaken by the thought of us just diving into things, but I quickly got on board due to all the history and unresolved feelings we shared. Before I knew it, we had switched places. I was in the driver’s seat now and he took the passenger. I was optimistically ready to go head on into a new relationship with an old flame. I was ready to ignore all the reasons it hadn’t worked out prior, all the red flags, all of the fearful unknowns. I was ready to forget all the pain I’d endured previously from this person. I was ready to give up all of the other possibilities I could have with anyone else. I was ready to settle.
Yes, I knew a great deal about this person from the history and past, but I was only looking at the positives I knew about them. I was neglecting all of the negatives. All of the poor situations they had already put me through. I was living in a period of confusion, feeling lost in life and struggling greatly with my confidence. I was just beginning to soul search when they came back through my door. I used them as yet another distraction to focus on what I actually needed in life. I was about to give up all the other chances I had for something good for myself, for a repeat offender in my life.
Fast forward to a better time in my life. I met someone who I actually mean something to. Someone who respects and values my time instead of wasting years of it. Someone who meets my emotional needs rather than leaving my wondering and questioning everything, including my worth to them. I didn’t settle. I kept fighting my way through the crowd of this generation’s lovely contenders until I found someone I deserved. Someone who deserved me. Someone who I could truly fall in love with. Not someone who I questioned “could they be the one?” simply because we couldn’t seem to cut the cord between us.
As humans, sometimes we confuse infatuation for love. Sometimes we confuse desire for love as well. Sometimes we feel the need to prove ourselves worthy to someone who has managed to escape our grasp many times. We fight to be with them, but not for the right reasons. Just because someone keeps coming back into your life, doesn’t make then “the one”. It makes them semi-present. It makes them absent most of the time. It makes them someone who doesn’t view you as important enough to stick around for all of the time. And being with that person, would mean you’re settling. No matter how much self-doubt you’re currently experiencing, you are always 100% worthy of the one who fits you like a glove. In all aspects and circumstances. Love isn’t circumstantial, it thrives through all seasons. If someone is a seasonal visitor in your life, they are not the one worth settling down with. Your person will come, and it will be painfully obvious that they are the one who deserves your love.
Tiny Writer 
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