Choosing yourself is not easy, but here is why it is necessary.

Choosing yourself. Whether it’s over a friendship, a relationship, a job, a lover, whatever the situation is, choosing yourself is a vital decision we all need to learn to make. As with most important life decisions, choosing yourself can be a tough. We may be accustomed to view choosing yourself as a light, inspirational choice as we see in movies or books. The ones where the female lead finally quits the job or leaves the toxic relationship and walks off into the sunset feeling relieved and breezy. Unfortunately, choosing yourself does not always feel that way. Choosing yourself over others can feel vastly different from a huge breath of fresh air. While it is a beneficial choice for yourself, it doesn’t come without a price. It is not a decision we typically make overnight and it does not usually yield a major feeling of relief immediately. 

It takes a lot for people, especially empaths and givers, to choose themselves over others. We worry too much about what the other person will think or feel.  Or how we’ll be viewed for walking away. We focus too much on what we’d be giving up instead of what we’d gain. We torture ourselves with “what if” scenarios replaying over and over in our heads of the possible outcomes. Frequently, we avoid making this tough decision and continue to endure whatever negative situation we are in. Until we can no longer. Choosing yourself isn’t a decision made on the fly. It takes a lot of growth, built up strength, and sometimes even reaching a breaking point where you finally realize this is not working for you. It is not in your best interest and nothing else matters as much anymore as your own mental, emotional, or physical health. It takes a great amount of determination to pull ourselves away from the situation and view it objectively enough to decide that we can no longer stand for what is happening, for our own good.

At this point, when we’ve finally decided that we need to choose what is best for ourselves we’ve used a lot of strength to get here. You would think we’d feel accomplished and relieved, and in some cases those feelings are immediate. However, most of the time it’s more painful than any of the “what if” scenarios we created for ourselves. When we decide our own happiness and well-being are more important than the relationship, friendship, or job we are in we are not just doing what is best for us but are also leaving something behind. Whether it be a something or someone, change isn’t always easy to accept or adapt to. We’ve chosen to let go and give up on something. Even when we’re in a situation that is not ideal and we are facing mistreatment and disappointment, there is still something keeping us there. That anchor could be years of friendship, a romantic history, a special bond, a career history, a stable income, etc. Regardless of what it is, there is a connection that kept you there for so long and allowed you to put off your own prosperity until now. It is not always easy to let these things or people go. But it is necessary that we do.

When we put our own needs and health aside for something else, we are telling that other source that it is okay to neglect us. To neglect what we need to be happy, healthy, prosperous. To treat us in a way we would not normally allow. When we don’t stand up for ourselves and put ourselves first, we are simply holding the door open for further abuse. When we don’t set boundaries, or our boundaries are ignored we are not doing ourselves any favors. The behaviors will only continue and will deteriorate our mental, physical, and emotional health, leading us to decline personally in a myriad of ways. But when we stand up and take that step to choosing ourselves over the love, the friendship, the career, we are closing that door and opening a brand new one. A door to an alternate situation. One where our needs are not only respected and understood, but actually met and sustained. A place where our emotions and health are safe and nurtured. A place where we can grow, instead of a place that holds us down and prevents us from becoming the best version of ourselves. When you aren’t receiving what you deserve, you are being held back. It creates patterns that negatively affect all aspects of our lives. We need to choose ourselves. This decision leads to teaching us how to love ourselves enough to say no to anything that is not up to our standards in life. It teaches us confidence. It teaches us that we do not need the false security of familiarity if it is not healthy. It teaches us to stand tall on our own and begin to live a life where we can be the best version of ourselves.