So much of what happens to us, has nothing to do with us.

It’s so easy in life to take things personally. When we get rejected from a job, passed up for a promotion, turned down when we ask someone out, ghosted by someone we’ve been seeing, and so on. These situations all sound very personal because they involve someone deciding not to pursue something involving you. One could easily assume you’re the reason for the denial. But in actuality, we’re not the reason. 

Have you ever been involved with someone, romantic or otherwise, and one day they just bail? Whether they ghost you or let you know that they no longer want to be part of your life. This is a very hurtful experience that usually leads to people pointing fingers at themself, wondering what the hell they did wrong. Am I so unlovable? Am i ugly? Am I boring? Am I an awful person that no one wants to be around? People automatically assume the separation is because of their flaws. In some cases, yes it is. Some people are difficult to be with and have things to work on with themselves. But a lot of times, it’s not because of us. It’s because of the other person.

Take dating, for example. If you’ve ever been involved with a person multiple times and continue to have a failed relationship with them you will obviously notice there is a problem. Even when you’re trying your hardest, giving it your all and it still falls through. Immediately you’re going to start to wonder “what did I do this time?”, “am I so wrong for this person?” etc, etc. When in reality the issue isn’t you, it’s them. This isn’t to say every failed relationship can be blamed on the other party, but it’s time to realize we’re not always the ones to blame either. 

Everyone experiences life in a different way. Everyone goes through their own struggles and hardships and handles them differently. There are so many people out there with unresolved and unhealed damage. That are walking around with baggage and years of abuse, trauma, etc. These people probably don’t even realize it, but they walk around hurting others constantly because of their unfixed issues. They reject people in ways they don’t even realize. They deny friends and romantic partners basic needs in relationships without realizing. They treat their staff or coworkers poorly because of their reluctancy to form friendships and close relationships due to abandonment issues or prior abuse. Other people’s possible motives for the way they behave and the way they treat others are endless. They could be anything. They’re a mystery to others, because it’s their own personal faults and issues they haven’t worked out. 

People aren’t always treating you poorly because you’re a bad or unlikeable person. Everyone has their own demons they have to face and shut down. And until they do, they will always create issues within their relationships, romantic or otherwise. So the next time a situation falls flat and you genuinely can’t figure out what you did wrong, remember not to be so hard on yourself. Maybe you were not the problem this time around. Maybe they can’t accept your friendship because they’re afraid. Maybe they can’t provide you the love and affection you deserve in a relationship because they’re scarred and damaged. Most importantly, their issues are not yours to take on and try to fix for them. Don’t be brought down about yourself about things that happened to you, but have nothing to do with you.