Perfectionism Will Ruin You. Here’s How to Help It.

Growing up I was the poster child for a Type A, perfectionist student. I was always top of my class academically. I was the first “student of the week” every school year. I was the teacher’s pet. I got straight As. I excelled to the point of pure boredom in elementary, middle, and high school. I was an overachiever in every aspect. I had to be the best of the best in order to do anything whether it was school, dance, or socially related. This stigma of “if I’m not perfect at it then I’m nothing” has stuck with me to this day. And I know I’m not the only person who experiences this unhealthy phenomenon.

Being a perfectionist and a Type A personality means I strive to always succeed in everything I do, right from the start. This makes new tasks and skills extremely challenging. Mentally, if I can’t excel at it from the get-go I will avoid doing it. It’s a twisted logic because we all no those who don’t try, don’t succeed. Acknowledging this impossible standard I have for myself to be an expert at everything from day one has been the first helpful step in ceasing the behavior and thoughts. Slowly, I am learning and accepting that it’s completely normal to not be perfect at something the first time or even the first twenty times. The learning curve and progression are what make the achievement of finally succeeding at something new worth it. 

Another side effect of my childhood accomplishments is how mundane everything feels now. I was so used to being acknowledged as number one. It makes a regular life and small, daily accomplishments seem worthless and irrelevant which is not true. Learning to applaud yourself every step of the way, even for the smallest steps, is key to keeping yourself motivated and feeling your self worth. This means even applauding the days where you do nothing and rest for the sake of your mental health. Taking care of yourself is the most vital component of self care and without practicing self care, no one would ever achieve anything. 

I’m also still learning that it’s important not to expect others to be perfect. Being a person who is organized and focused, I pretty much always know what I’m doing and why I’m doing it. However, I’ve come to learn this isn’t normal for most people. When people aren’t sure of their next move or motives, they make mistakes, which is totally okay. I’ve struggled with accepting this of others for a long time. I lived in a really judgmental place where I couldn’t understand why others weren’t as “perfect” as I was (ha). The more I learn to forgive myself of mistakes (which is way easier said than done) the more I’m learning to do that with the people I love too.

I know battling my perfectionism and self-criticism will be a lifelong challenge. But the more I practice self love and mindfulness, the more I am coming to terms with new paths of thinking and performing. It’s so important to reflect and acknowledge how childhood habits can still affect us in adulthood and address things that need tweaking. I’ve been told my whole life there’s no such thing as perfect and there truly isn’t. If you spend your entire life chasing that perfectionism, you’ll miss out on so many more important things.